Yesterday I took the opportunity to visit with my parents; sipping mugs of coffee out on their newly built deck we were surrounded by the autumn colors that offer Maine trees their fame.
I believe I am one of the lucky ones whose family has little-to-no reservation talking about illness, dying, death, post-death arrangements and the possibility of an after-life. In fact, it seems quite the opposite for us with conversations about end-of-life issues being some of our most invigorating and maybe even our favorites.
Now, I don’t in anyway consider myself morbid. I honor the richness, the full-bodied euphoria I feel from living alongside the wonderful cast of characters I call family and friends. I also understand and fully accept that on some date, at some time, from some particular circumstance I will die. And so will each of my family members. And so will each of my friends. And so will you.
For me it makes good sense, sound sense, to talk openly and explore feelings, thoughts, and questions about the totality of our lives in the midst of our living—quite possibly while we are enjoying good health. If we are to talk about the whole of our lives our conversations would include consideration, contemplation, and reflection of our deaths.
As a hospice spiritual care provider I sit around a table every 14 days to hear the interdisciplinary team review hospice and palliative care cases. Too often I hear that patients and families struggle with communicating about an approaching death. Many families won’t talk openly, intimately, so to not invite death sooner or at all.
This form of magical thinking can leave our loved ones to die feeling unfinished and truly alone at one of the most essential moments of life. As well, when we guard against communicating our feelings and heart wishes for our dying loved one we invite surviving family members and friends to carry heavier burdens of regret, remorse, and more complicated grief.
So—
…why not change our silence and discomfort?
…why not begin exploring our hopes of how we envision being cared for, held, and nurtured as death approaches?
…why not tell each other we hold hope that those same qualities which made our lives meaningful and fulfilled will continue to serve us in the time of our dying and through the journey of our death?
And so—
…honestly, why not?
…why not be the change and lead by example through active sharing of our thoughts, hopes, and fears about end-of-life issues; inviting dialogue over a glass of wine with friends; making these conversations common place and more and more comfortable?
I believe I am one of the lucky ones whose family has little-to-no reservation talking about illness, dying, death, post-death arrangements and the possibility of an after-life. In fact, it seems quite the opposite for us with conversations about end-of-life issues being some of our most invigorating and maybe even our favorites.
Now, I don’t in anyway consider myself morbid. I honor the richness, the full-bodied euphoria I feel from living alongside the wonderful cast of characters I call family and friends. I also understand and fully accept that on some date, at some time, from some particular circumstance I will die. And so will each of my family members. And so will each of my friends. And so will you.
For me it makes good sense, sound sense, to talk openly and explore feelings, thoughts, and questions about the totality of our lives in the midst of our living—quite possibly while we are enjoying good health. If we are to talk about the whole of our lives our conversations would include consideration, contemplation, and reflection of our deaths.
As a hospice spiritual care provider I sit around a table every 14 days to hear the interdisciplinary team review hospice and palliative care cases. Too often I hear that patients and families struggle with communicating about an approaching death. Many families won’t talk openly, intimately, so to not invite death sooner or at all.
This form of magical thinking can leave our loved ones to die feeling unfinished and truly alone at one of the most essential moments of life. As well, when we guard against communicating our feelings and heart wishes for our dying loved one we invite surviving family members and friends to carry heavier burdens of regret, remorse, and more complicated grief.
So—
…why not change our silence and discomfort?
…why not begin exploring our hopes of how we envision being cared for, held, and nurtured as death approaches?
…why not tell each other we hold hope that those same qualities which made our lives meaningful and fulfilled will continue to serve us in the time of our dying and through the journey of our death?
And so—
…honestly, why not?
…why not be the change and lead by example through active sharing of our thoughts, hopes, and fears about end-of-life issues; inviting dialogue over a glass of wine with friends; making these conversations common place and more and more comfortable?
...can you think of a reason why not?
2 comments:
Note to Self:
Kim, this is a kick-ass piece of writing and one I'm especially passionate about.
Why not submit it to The Village Soup, The Republican Journal, The Waldo Independent during Hospice Week, 2008???
Can I "think of a reason why not?"
Keep up the good work,
MySelf
So did you?
It is a really good piece of writing . . .
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